He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
