Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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