just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
