Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
