haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
