My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
