I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
