when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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