She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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