If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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