her vagine was all disorganized.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
