I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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