Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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