I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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