My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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