I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
