who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
