sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
