There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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