it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
