when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
