meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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