College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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