dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
