I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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