Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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