Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
