I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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