Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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