We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
