All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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