i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
