you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
