cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
