Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
