omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
