did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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