Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
