are you still at the devil's house?
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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