Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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