do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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