...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
