not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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