bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
