I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
