Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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