fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Watching her eat just hurts me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
