So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
