Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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