and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
