my phone needs a breathalizer
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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