sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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